Coping with Negative Self-Talk - It's Scary-Fabulous

Have you ever had an idea you knew was fabulous?   From the moment it appeared, it just felt right.  It resonated with your mind and intuition.  And everyone, I mean everyone, agreed that it was an  awesome idea. 

You got excited, started moving to realize the idea and found it was even more fabulous than originally imagined.   You kept moving forward and continued to attract all the people and resources needed to realize the idea.

Then, the little voice of self-doubt started to creep in and you got scared.  Scared that maybe the idea was n0t so fabulous.  Or, that it was so fabulous you would not be able to handle it. 

At that point, you were faced with the choice to give into the fear or have faith in the fabulous.  You may have found yourself overwhelmed by the information, and stuck without the ability to make a choice.

I found I could not make a choice.  But, one thing was clear.  This dilemma was about my feelings and mindset.  So, I needed to slow down, take some deep breaths, and let my heart speak.  In this space I decided to give these feeling a name and see how it affected my mindset.  I named them, (it) "scary-fabulous."    It reminded me of the fear I feel when walking down a road in complete darkness, then looking up and smiling as  I realize it is the darkness that allows me to see more stars shining brightly.

Now, the feelings, and the experience, had a name.  The name made me, and others who heard it, smile.  This in itself was uplifting.  During a workshop with Andrew Harvey I mentioned the name and he re-framed it as "scarabulous."  More smiles and good feelings to carry me through.  With all this joy-energy the scary part was not so overwhelming.

Instead of feeling the need to get over the scary fear, or worse yet, ignore it, I went with it.  In so doing I realized that just as the words "scary" and "fabulous" could exist together, so could the two feelings, i.e., both fearful and fabulous could exist together.  I did not have to make a choice.  I just needed to move forward with my eye on the fabulous and allow a safe space for the scary parts.

Now, I remind myself that the choice is not fear or faith, but focus.   Keep my mind focused on the fabulous and allow room for the fear to be part of the journey, instead of an obstacle on my path.   I convince myself to observe the scary parts in wonder, but not let them attack or define me.  And, when it gets really scary, I  just repeat the term, "scary-fabulous" and let the smile win the mental tug of war.  Then, get back to whatever I was doing before the scary voices interrupted.

This is one way to deal with those negative voices that promote fear in the face of fabulous.   I would love to hear of your experience with "scary-fabulous."  Please share in the comments below.

 

 

Comments

[Mark Nelson]

I find so many people start a new business and then the first negative thing comes at them and they don't know how to handle it. Many stop right then and tell themselves they are not good enough to do this business.

I find if someone has a strong enough "WHY" they are going into business they can get themselves through the negative times.

Like you say if they focus on why they are trying to accomplish something they can break through.

Mark

[Mary Alice Long, PhD]

Recently I spoke for a group in Cambria, CA about The Fool & the Dance of Death. We all have mini-deaths as we journey and ultimately we do die. Knowing and moving into our own death and that of the "other" whether friend, our beloved dog, or a flower withering to seed *that creates a new in the Spring) allows us to be our natural Self, live and move out of our Essential, Natural Self.
When I feel fear or hear the voice of doubt, I most often (after many teachings & learning on my part!) move into the fear and take risks which frequently, in fact most of the time, allows me to blossom and shine as Mary Alice! What a relief!

When I gave that "play talk" in Cambria I knew inside that I was speaking, moving, feeling, touching my Natural Self and that I was giving the gift of Mary Alice's unique, playful spirit to all present. I knew in that moment that I wanted MORE of the feeling that I am in the right PLACE, with the Right PEOPLE, at the right TIME.

As you suggest Karen--moving into fear "or the dragon within" can and most often does bring us a new story, a Fabulous song of who we truly are--for our Self first creating the life we want and then for those we serve in JOY!

Playfully, Mary Alice